More than one direction?

Am I having an early mid-life crisis? Or does absence in fact, give you the opportunity to view things in a new light?

I am talking work ladies and gentlemen, or careers if you like.

You’ll see from this post here that I have never been particularly ambitious… Simply happy to do the job to the best of my ability and enjoy my wages at the end of each month!

Since leaving work to have Miss E two and a half years ago I have thought often about what I will do when I return to permanent work, and the more recently I have thought about it, the more reluctance I have to return to the industry I know and (used) to love; Marketing.

I don’t know if it’s my age, the introduction of my very own small person to the world, the fact that I have been away from work and now see things in a new light (or perhaps a new perspective) or a combination of all these things … But I feel I need to change direction in my life, do something that has more meaning, makes a difference (and not just to P&L).

The problem is, in which direction do I go?!

I have never known what I wanted to do work wise, I fell into marketing and enjoyed it so stayed. I envy those people who know what they want to do, get there and love it, I feel a bit like a hobo of the professional world, wondering aimlessly just chasing the next meal!

Where do we go as 30 something’s for careers advice?

Will us professional hobos ever know what we want to do?

Am I brave enough to venture into a daunting new world, to potentially embark on education again and study for qualifications that will open up a whole set of new doors, at this stage of my life?

Am I crazy for even thinking I can change direction?


Love, life and acceptance

Love, Life & Acceptance

Rather thought-provokingly, just days after finishing Jodi Picoult’s ‘Sing you home’ {a novel about the challenges a same-sex couple face with regards to marriage and starting a family}, I heard news that a friends young teenage son has just come out.

It got me thinking about how I would feel if Miss E turned out to be gay.

To have your child come to you and profess their sexuality must be one of the most dumbfounding experiences. I mean heterosexual teens don’t have to proclaim to their friends and family that they find the opposite sex attractive, it is just a given, confirmed by the girlfriends/boyfriends they bring home. How do you ensure you don’t say the wrong thing just at the precise moment they feel probably the most vulnerable and exposed they’ve ever felt. I hate to think that if Miss E discovers her preference is girls, that there will be this huge pressure on her to decide when the right time is to make it known, to worry about how the news will be received, not just from us as parents but extended family, friends, neighbours, colleagues.

If only we lived in a world where there was no question asked, our growing children could just be happy in the knowledge that one day they would meet a person they knew they wanted to share their life with and no one really cared what reproductive organs they possessed as long as they were happy.

An idealistic and pretty naive view I admit, but hey, one day it may be reality.

I am thankful that in 2013 we are so much more accepting of people’s sexuality than years gone by. I was so pleased to hear that this particular boy’s experience of coming out to friends at school was received really well and has not been made a target for bullying because of it… which I have to admit, would have sadly been very different when I was at school. Even the slightly effeminate boys would be targeted by the ‘cool’ kids with jibes of ‘gay’ this ‘poof’ that.

Personally, my child could find the pinky purple bleeper people from the moon attractive and I really couldn’t care less, as long as they treated her with love and respect and she was happy.

I suppose the best we can do is talk to our children about different types of families and ensure that they know that there is no right or wrong… only right or wrong for you.

Whatever our destiny is, as long as we realise it with love and respect for one another, perhaps we can help turn this ugly world into a slightly more accepting one.

A blog is born

A Blog Is Born

Having never really written before, it feels odd… This compulsion to get things down on paper {or ponsey iPad if we’re being pedantic}.

I have always been aware of this barrier I have that makes it really difficult to actually verbalise how I’m feeling/what I’m thinking/what I want/need. Imagine taking a mouthful of water, clenching your teeth together then trying to squeeze it out through the gaps. Only part of it actually escapes and that which does manage to make a break for it, has no real angle. It goes in precisely the opposite direction to which you would have guessed, probably dribbles down your chin and is also quite likely to squirt some unsuspecting passer by in the eye. So you think to yourself ‘better to just swallow and avoid any embarrassment’ {and you can remove that disgusting image straight from your minds you filthy buggers*} than to risk things coming out all wrong and, well, hurting someone … Or their eye?!

So there we have it, it seems I am as about as capable of explaining myself on paper** as I am vocally.

So, when discussing on new years eve over copious amounts of alcohol*** with my Mr, what we would like to ‘do more of’ in 2013 {resolutions are an invitation for failure in our experience}, we had filled in our family wants, his personal wants … So then he turns to me and asks ‘so what about you, what do you want?’ My reaction was to crumble into a tear stained ball of snot. You can see why he married me.

I think this was the catapult… That made me face up to the fact that I’m a slight emotional retard so this could perhaps be something I could work on in 2013. And perhaps seeing as I am a regular sufferer of verbal constipation followed by regular bouts of diarrhoea {also of the verbal nature} I could explore my thoughts and feelings in this new fangled format of blogging****.

Who knows what direction this blog may take, it may even crash and burn with this lowly post the only evidence of its fatal inception. Nevertheless, I am biting the bullet, sticking my neck out and approaching it with both smiley eyes {they hide a multitude of sins} and an open heart.

*she types whilst sniggering at the mental image
**ponsey iPad
*** two glasses of fizz, but could well have been 1litre of meths for the effect it had on me – an incredibly sporadic drinker
**** I know, I know. Don’t say it.